1. Go to sleep at different times
A pair of night bird with early dawn or vice versa? Sorry, it may not seem so bad, but going to sleep at different times can be harmful, says Marcia Berger, a psychotherapist and author of the Marriage Meetings for Enduring Love: 30 minutes to the relationship you always wanted.
“It’s a recipe for feeling isolated and emotionally (and physically) separated from one another,” says Berger. “One of the best things in a relationship is the warm and pleasant time you share just before you fall asleep – why would anyone want to give it up?”
If you go to sleep at different times, there may be a problem, Berger says. “A quarrel or a grudge that should be discussed earlier in the day.”
2. Do not take into account your partner’s agenda
If your nightly television habits or your bedtime rags disturb your partner’s rest, it may be time to get the TV and the phone out of the bedroom, says Becky Watson, a family and family therapist from Arkansas. Watston gives an example of life to illustrate her point.
“One husband who came to see me was a doctor who had to report to the hospital at six in the morning every day during the week. He begged his wife, a homemaker and mother, not to watch television when he tried to fall asleep, but she wanted to keep the TV on all night, like a background noise, “says Westston. “Despite all the efforts – like suggesting that you use headphones, or using earplugs and blindfolds – nothing allowed him to sleep quietly, she refused to give up. A few years later, they divorced. ”
3. Talk a bit – or not at all – before going to bed
After a long day at work and watching over the children, is it any wonder you just want to jump into bed and finish the day? Still, it is worth trying to allocate special time to communicate emotionally with your partner.
“Spend time to douse the high points and low points of your day,” says Liana Silver, a relationship coach from San Francisco. “We really do not have to offer each other counseling or therapy – just share briefly.”
4. Give priority to screen time over quality time with your partner
Do yourself a favor and remove the smartphone from the bedroom before you go to sleep. Your partner should always be more important than activities like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and sesame, especially at night, before going to sleep, Berger says.
“If you put your tablet or phone in bed, you’re damaging your relationship in two ways: First, it isolates you emotionally from each other,” she explains. “Second, when we are connected to an electronic device shortly before bedtime, the thrill of the screen wakes us up. When we do not get enough sleep, we may be less patient, less generous and less tolerant towards our partner the next day. ”
5. Engage in self-cultivation in the bedroom
Leave the grooming to the bathroom. As Wutston heard from her patients, there is nothing that destroys more romance than a stray fingernail that flies into your face.
“One woman I worked with was disgusted by her husband’s tendency to claw her nails in bed,” says Weststone. “She said,” I hear the noise of the shearer, and every now and then a piece of nail from the hand or leg hits me in the face, or flies across the room, hits the wall and jumps out! “Even when the cut nails did not hurt her, she felt he did not care What does she think of him? ”
6. Physical intimacy into the bottom of the list of priorities
Do you begin to feel like an apartment partner more than a couple? If one of you does not go to bed or seems to have no interest in sex, it’s a good idea to talk about the situation before going to bed, says Weststone.
“As far as sex is concerned, quite a few patients have told me that they suspect that a spouse does not go to bed with them because they want to avoid having sex – and quite a few patients have not denied it,” she says. “I always say, ‘Would not it be easier to talk about it, instead of hiding in another room and sneaking around on your toes when you’re sure your partner has fallen asleep?'”
7. Go to bed angry
You do not want to end an argument abruptly just because it’s too late and you’re both tired. But if you repeatedly let open arguments or misunderstandings ferment, it does not really help the relationship either.
“They’re not just saying you should not go to bed angry,” says Berger. “Instead, do your best to clarify things long before bedtime, so that when you are ready to go to bed, both of you will want to communicate with you in love – in words, in the tone of things and in deeds.”